Police Confirm Criminals Favour White Socks
A police authority has published information confirming that criminals favour white socks.
In an attempt to catch a wanted criminal Essex Police have released CCTV footage of a suspected burglar who is wearing white socks with the statement "Man wanted for burglary at Nandos and for crimes against fashion".
Mark Hall, gentleman creation officer at socked.co.uk - the black sock subscription service for discerning gentleman commented - "We have long suspected that you shouldn't trust anyone who is wearing white socks and isn't in the gym."
"Colour psychology shows that the colour white is associated with innocence and purity, which is why it is favoured by brides and angels. Clearly, a few members of the criminal fraternity have cottoned on to this and are trying to portray themselves as innocents; however a true gentleman would never wear white socks in public."
"We would advise anyone to think twice before putting their trust in a white sock wearer"
Hall continued:" If you are reading this and panicking, think twice before you discard the white socks you are currently wearing. Be advised that going barefoot is also a tell-tale sign of criminal behaviour - we all remember the case of the 'Barefoot Bandit' who was charged with thefts of small aircraft, a boat, two cars and the burglaries of 100 private residences which were committed whilst barefoot. It was his own footprints leaving that led to his arrest."
"To stay on the safe side, ensure you always have a sock drawer full of matching black socks. A subscription from socked.co.uk will ensure that you are never mistaken for a criminal on wash day."
Socked interviewed candidates for police crime commissioner positions for their personnel views on this serious matter.
Godfrey Bloom sock wearer for 63 years and PCC candidate for Humberside commented, “ I believe white socks are fine but only for cricket or tennis. I myself have only ever worn odd socks in public once by accident and in my defence they were both black, which is my preferred colour of choice. With regards to white sock wearing criminals if elected I vote for capital punishment”
Malcolm Spencer sock wearer for 61 years and PCC candidate for Nottinghamshire commented “White socks are a crime against fashion and were only fashionable when worn by Olivia Newton John in Grease, needless to say the police need to pull their socks up”
Robert Evans PCC candidate for Surrey commented, “I feel the police should clamp down, not so much on white socks, but on anyone wearing socks with sandals”
Stephen Goldspink PCC candidate for Cambridgeshire commented, ” I do believe white socks are a crime against fashion. I have never worn odd socks in public but I nearly did when wife paired up Mr Happy and Mr Lazy in error. If only more criminals would go barefoot we could capture their toe prints and locate them.”
PICTURES ARE AVAILABLE TO SUPPORT THIS STORY
SPOKESPERSON IS AVAILBLE TO COMMENT
For further information contact Mark Hall on 07841 779892, or firstname.lastname@example.org
For more information on the police statement visit:
For more information on the Barefoot Bandit visit:
Socked.co.uk is monthly black sock subscription service for discerning gentleman. Sirs can order in any colour they like as long as it is black.
With a black sock subscription you will never have odd socks again, and as such will not be seen as criminal. At the very least you will be seen as a well-dressed villain.
Socked.co.uk also provides tips on how you can become a gentleman, available for free on their website.
Socked are working on the world’s largest survey to find out what happens to missing socks.
Socks are not just for Christmas - they are for life. Don't waste your hard earned money on an expensive pair of garish Christmas socks that will never be worn. This year give the gift that keeps giving.
Socked Ltd is a UK company based in Leeds that launched in August 2012.